Tokenism and the Problem with “Relational Defense”

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it as many times as it takes— Tokenism is a form of racism.

Oftentimes, when confronted by their own privilege, prejudice and racism, people feel a sudden need to defend themselves ... with what is known as the “Relational Defense.”

It’s something along the lines of, “I can’t be racist because...”

“... one of my best friends growing up was Black.”

”... I have many Black friends”

“... I work with Black people all the time.”

“... I dated a Black guy back in college.”

”... my daughter is married to a Black guy.”

”... I have students who are Black/minorities.”

”... My church serves poor Black neighborhoods.”

Racism is often associated with BAD PEOPLE. So when someone’s “goodness” is being threatened, they usually try to use the Black people in their lives as “proof” that they “are not racist.”

But racism is not a fixed state. And good people are not excluded from racist behaviors. And do you know how messed up it is to use the Black people/minorities in your life as a “get out of racism free card?”

It’s like saying, “I’m never a liar because I told the truth that one time to that one person”

Instead of doing the work and taking the time to reflect on what they can improve on in relation to race, their only priority is to try to prove to you how “good” they are. But a large part of “goodness” is not ignoring problematic behavior. It is recognizing it and wanting to be better.

Racism is not as “black and white” (haha) as you think. It is a multi-faceted spectrum that spans across many decisions, conversations, thoughts, behaviors, environments, reactions throughout your life.

So if you are a good person or “not a racist,” show it by listening/acknowledging BIPOC struggles and HELPING those that are oppressed... instead of using the minorities in your life as your little tokens of proof for your “non-racism.”