Being Shamed vs. Being Held Accountable
I’ve been seeing a lot of posts/comments about “shaming,” so I’m gonna share my two cents on it.
There’s a difference between being shamed vs. being held accountable and feeling shame.
Educating others and speaking up about racism, its harmfulness, and the importance of anti-racism is NOT shaming people. It’s to hold people accountable to important moral standards by presenting information — moral standards that I believe EVERYBODY should hold, such as:
Respecting and listening to diverse point of views outside of your bubble
Self-reflection on how you can be a better person, acknowledging personal biases & prejudices, and adjusting when presented with new info
Practicing empathy for others
Speaking up against racism or other wrongdoings when you see them happen. Not being a bystander or turning a blind eye.
These are values I taught my students when I was a teacher. Values that I would teach my future children as a momma.
Listen, feeling shame is normal. But just because you feel it when someone is holding you accountable, doesn’t mean you’re being shamed. Shame naturally arises from measuring our actions against moral standards and then discovering that they fall short.
Though overwhelming shame can be negative, this emotion can also be a force for good, spurring us on to lead more ethical lives. It means there’s an opportunity to do better and be better.
WE HAVE A CHOICE of how we respond. We don’t have to break down and crumble. We can choose to rise, evolve and be better.
I know I’m not perfect every time in my posts. I’m human. Some of my posts are out of frustration and pure anguish. But shaming others never has and never will be my intention. My intention is to hold people accountable to basic moral standards.
If you ARE feeling shame, defensiveness or anger from reading anti-racism posts... I would maybe sit on that and reflect on why that is. Again, not an attack. Just an invitation to reflect.
